Pabook.net Forums: Pabook.net Forums -> The two women in my life

A couple of years ago I met this amazing woman who immediatly made a huge impact on me. Unfortunately we went out once or twice and we ended up being naughty and afterwards we both decided that since we were collegues we should probably knock it off. We did. April of last year, the project we had been working together on for the last year finally succeded. I had invested over 5 years at that point and she had invested a little over a year. Regardless her time on the project was equally as valuable as mine and the other 2 members who had put in as much time or more. That night in April we both looked at each other with different eyes. I had never seen her in action and she had never seen me in action and we couldnt resist the temptation any longer. We began to see each other as regularly as time and schedules permitted. My full time job with Recreation and Parks and her full time job as a high level fiscal attorney (specifics denied to protect her identity) made it tough and at times impossible to see each other with any regularity as well as hiding our relationship from our collegues. Almost a year went by when several factors forced me to make a decision on our future. I broke off the relationship on Superbowl Sunday. Lucy fully understood my reasons and accepted them stating that she realizes she's difficult to live with which is why she's 37 and still single which brings issues of marriage and children to the table. We also agreed not to make it harder on ourselves by acting any differently around each other in a proffessional setting.

That very same day (Superbowl Sunday) I went to a party at a friends house and halfway through the game Dana walked in. I figured it was a great opportunity to get back to my manwhore ways and fully take advantage of her and then leave her when she wasnt anymore fun. After going out with her once I realized that she was far too amazing to do something like that to. We began to see each other regularly all the while I'm hoping this is just a rebound and I can move on in a month or 6 weeks. It so happens that we complemented each other extremely well. What she was looking for in a relationship was exactly what I was looking for in a relationship. Both of us have busy schedules but never tried to change each others lives to be with each other. Our personalities fit each other and our approaches to everything from the future to marriage, kids and even sex were identical. Ironically she is also an attorney. A young one just starting out with intentions of saving the world before making money much like my intentions to save LA before making money. In all honesty she a perfect being for me to be around or not be around but still be influenced by. She got a job with a law-firm and now has little to no time to spend with me. Our relationship remained strong but seperate and open having never really progressed to a stage beyond casual dating with strong feelings but no emotional attachment.

Why is this situation any different than the previous. Communication. Dana is a far better communicator than Lucy.

About a month and a half went by when I told Lucy I had already started seeing somebody. Keep in mind I see Lucy at least twice a month. She was happy for me yet I sensed a bit of bitterness towards this woman she did not know. One night while attending one of our monthly meetings all hell broke loose and a couple of projects I was proposing fell through. This was very difficult for me to take because I was so used to getting my way with this board when it was only five of us that now we have 17 members and they dont understand the kind of sacrifice both financially and emotionally was put in from the start. I should be more understanding that I'm not always going to get my way but at the time I was distrought and the only support I had that night was from Lucy. As usual, Lucy gave me a ride home afterwards and we spoke briefly about the meeting. She consoled me and helped me to understand. Once we got to my house she pulled over and I did what I had done dozens of times before as we parted ways. Neither of us stopped it. Both of us wanted it. Afterwards I felt guilty for having betrayed Dana. Betrayed what? I think I was guilty because Lucy deserves all of me and not half of me.

Four days later we were in bed again. Now Lucy knows about Dana but not the other way around. Dana knows I have a friend and collegue named Lucy and on two freak occasions they met. Once while I was with Dana at a Thai New Year Festival and another while I was with Lucy at a movie.

The secret life carried on for a while dating one and sleeping with the other. When early in May, Dana and I had sex and everything went to hell for me. I began to take long walks (ussually drives but gas prices suck so a good alternative is walking). I realized that I love Dana but I'm in love with Lucy.

Now I wish I knew what they trully felt. I see both on rare occasions but always on the same day or close to it.

Last night I think Lucy tested my will power. She flaked on a meeting having invited somebody else to that meeting without telling me. This person was of the same age, sucess level and looks as her. She was hot and her brain turned me on. I didnt flirt. After the meeting chit chatting I find out she was Lucys friend and she had talked to her a couple days before and she confirmed she was not going to attend that meeting.

Maybe I'm thinking too much. Whatever. I have dinner with Lucy tonight and I stay at Danas Wednesday night since I get to take her to the airporrt the next morning. I'm so screwed.